Are we weak and heavy-laden?

The trouble with writing is always how to begin.

Because like all who are processing something in mind to share, having too much in mind, or nothing at all; is always the case.

As to what made me decide to re-open this age, I can't pinpoint specifically. But I attribute it to a very intense and mixed feeling I've constantly been experiencing.
I struggle with myself more than anything else. Though I find peace though God and his people sometimes, I constantly battle my mind, and the more I struggle, the more I find myself slipping.

I've been told, and heard many times over, God will provide.
I've encountered many times where He has, so much more than he should. I've counted my blessings, and lost track many times over.
But something about my greedy self always feels that I'm never getting what I want.

It is getting difficult to serve when my mind is always burdened, and my heart is always heavy.

Maybe I can continue to write when my mind isn't so cluttered. For now, I need Your help more than ever.

Would you look at that

I think not being employed for close to 6 months has really taken a hit on my confidence.

As low as it already was, I was being fed false hope of a job advancement opportunity as a CFS Generalist.

I was struggling with self presentation and self regulation as a Training Executive, and ended up falling off an intense and steep learning curve.

Even more so, the failed interviews, and the turning down of opportunities at the wrong time.

What can I say? I feel lost. Lost with the direction of my career. In terms of relationship. Even in terms of life, since societal stigma tells us how much life revolves around the formers.

But maybe it just hit me really hard, that I need to get off my ass. Again. Moping doesn't help. If anything, it makes things worse. An idle mind definitely is a form of masochism.

This is to serve as a reminder, that I am not going to let circumstances and past failures get to my head. I'm always told, God has a plan for all of us. To be honest, the more I stay in my current situation, the more difficulty I have in believing that.

Putting things in perspective, all these past failures should not be something that should deter me, but instead looked as an opportunity to discover more about myself.

Change of course occurs most frequently when I work myself off to the bone. It's so difficult to do it alone. Lord please grant me strength.

Hmm... I haven't blogged in 2 years.

How do I reintroduce myself to this again?

2010

i hope somethings changing.

i hope

I've written pages, upon pages...

...trying to rid you from my bones.

sigh

sighhh

I haven't blogged in ages.

i have no right to say I'm lonely. or my holiday sucked.

yes i am as confused as ever. and this feeling of ambiguity is... balls. BALLSSSSSS

so many plans made for the holidays, before the holidays all failed.

what i've come to expect out of this holidays have been a real let down.

but it has always been this way i guess. what made me think it was gonna change?

1st entry

=(